Home School Perfectionism

By [http://ezinearticles.com/?expert=Curt_Bumcrot]Curt Bumcrot
Being a perfectionist is tempting. You know, doing the "dotting your i's, crossing your t's," leaving no blank unanswered, doing what it takes for as long as it takes sort of thing. And it usually takes a long time. By being "perfect" in this way, your student will have effectively ended any potential unpleasant conversations before they begin. After all, how can he be faulted for the extreme lengths he goes to do things right?
As Brene Brown (CNN.com) put it, "Perfectionism is the belief that if we live perfect, look perfect, and act perfect, we can minimize or avoid the pain of blame, judgment, and shame." In the past, I might have said that doesn't apply to home schoolers because after all, being raised in an age-integrated context (the family) made peer dependency and the need to be accepted largely non-existent. I was mistaken.
I may be off the mark here, but it seems that perfectionism to any degree is used as a barrier to criticism whether by others (parental or peer standards) or even by yourself (your standards). When our children continually relate to us or to themselves on the basis of performance, life becomes a grind. And, usually perfectionists are not very fun to be around.
The very thing that makes home schooling appealing can also make it unbearable. Think about it.

You can customize the student's curriculum to his or her needs, but the notion of customizing leads to too many books that your child "needs" that you'll never get through.
I can't tell you how many books I've bought for my kids that were never used. In fact, I even bought some books twice not realizing I had already made the purchase months prior.
Teachable moments can be related to real life, but teachable moments never end. You and your student may find yourselves "in school" 24-7.
It can be weird and embarrassing when every trip to the store is seen as potentially fulfilling a home economics or consumer math assignment. I knew things had gone over the edge for me when, after parking downtown in Portland and rushing several blocks to make the start of a movie, one of my kids asked if they could count the time "running" toward their time based PE course.

You know your child better than anyone else and are therefore the ideal teacher. But, if we're not conscience of the "hat we're wearing, your child may always wonder if you're talking to him as the "parent" or the "teacher." Relationships can get awkward the older the kids are.
There's a point where separation of your child from you is absolutely necessary for him or her to truly grow up. If, when you see your kids leaving their room, you find yourself continually asking them, "you got that math assignment done, right?" it's time to re-evaluate things.
So, what am I saying? I'm saying that there is a part in all of us that wants to relate to ourselves and others by means of performance. Taken to an extreme, home schooling on the basis of performance becomes disordered and burdensome. If I were to say all you have to do is set time limits (or in the case of the "perfectionist" time restrictions as in you're not working past 3:00 P.M.), I doubt that would be helpful. Applying different techniques don't necessarily change root issues.
Thanks for reading!
Curt Bumcrot
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Curt Bumcrot is the founder and director of Basic Skills Assessment and Educational Services. He has earned degrees in Biblical Studies from Grace Institute in Long Beach, California, a B.A. in English from California State University at Dominguiz Hills, and a M.R.E. (Master in Religious Education) from Grand Rapids Baptist Seminary. He has been active both as a teacher and administrator in Christian Schools. He and his wife, Jenny, who home schooled their three children, currently reside in Oregon City.
Article Source: [http://EzineArticles.com/?Home-School-Perfectionism&id=6571760] Home School Perfectionism